


The Reason We're Here

by LadyNightbird



Category: The Missing: J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emily Thompson - Freeform, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Healing, I love this game and I'll fill this tag MYSELF, Jackie Jameson "J.J." Macfield - Freeform, Mental Illness, Post canon, Recovery, Suicide Attempt Mention, Tags Contain Spoilers, the gentlest of lesbian content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-08-29 15:02:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16746250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNightbird/pseuds/LadyNightbird
Summary: Sometimes it takes a while to realize how much you'd miss if you'd gone.Collection of small pieces that aren't long enough to post separately.





	1. Coming Home

“You look beautiful tonight.” Emily had greeted her at the door with a kiss to the cheek, easing J.J.’s purse off her shoulder to set it gently aside, looping her arms around her and simply holding. She was warm, familiar- J.J. could never help but hug her back, breathing her in. It settled her nerves like nothing else. “You’re always beautiful.”

“Kind of a gay thing to say, huh?” J.J. teased her. “I come home to my wife, and get called beautiful? That’s a bit lesbian.” She kissed Emily’s hair, laughed a little breathlessly with the disbelief of it all. She’d never imagined this would be hers. When she’d resolved to die, she’d written off all these things in life that were making every new day into something she couldn’t imagine giving up now that she had them.Of course she  _ remembered  _ how she’d felt before attempting to commit suicide. But now, the memory was fading out a bit with time. She regretted trying it. Maybe if she’d sought help earlier, she would have gotten this far without dragging Emily along for the worst part of her life. But now things were better, and her  _ wife _ was holding her, and the past was a softly aching scar instead of an open wound.

Emily had to stand a little on her toes to kiss J.J., and though usually that was the topic of lighthearted teasing, for now J.J. was happy to melt into it. Emily’s lips were soft, and always tasted a little like strawberry from that chapstick she never deviated from. J.J. held her close, a hand resting on her back like a grounding lifeline. Sometimes she was afraid she’d wake up and all this happiness would be gone. But there was nothing dream-like about how warm and  _ real _ Emily was against her, except maybe how happy they were. 

“Want to come in and set the table so I can finish up dinner?” Emily asked, when at last she pulled back enough to speak. On of her hands remained tangled up in soft blonde hair, stroking through in slow, idle motions.

J.J. chuckled, leaning down to kiss her again, on the nose. “Will that get me out of doing the dishes later?”

“Nope~!” Emily let her go, flashing her a smile and sauntering off in the direction of the kitchen. “It’s your night, darling.”

Oh, her weakness. “Not fair to call me that right after subjecting me to the dishes!” J.J. called after her playfully. “You know it’s too cute for me to resist!” But she was smiling as she shrugged off her coat, hanging it up and following after her wife, her  _ everything _ , because nothing could have made her happier. She’d been following after Emily for a long time. Through the dream, through their early lives together, she’d chased her with no expectation of reciprocation. But oh, how sweetly it had turned out.

Again she followed, and again she caught her in an embrace, and this time she didn’t have to fear letting go.


	2. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trauma heals slow, but having a very supportive girlfriend helps.

It wasn’t unusual by this point to have nightmares, but J.J. still woke with a gasp and a wild flailing of arms to grab her left wrist, to put pressure on wounds not open, slamming her palm over fading, healing scars that still furrowed her skin. It was nothing new to relive it in dreams. What  _ was  _ new was that in her half-asleep panic she’d forgotten she’d fallen asleep with Emily, and had managed to inconsiderately smack her in the face while waking.

“Shit, sorry!” she squeaked out, still shaking the nightmare from her head. She could still hear that monster from the dream, feel it carving her skin- Emily just looked baffled, hair ruffled with sleep, but she turned over to face J.J. and place a gentle hand on her wrist.

“You okay?” Her voice was soft, rough with sleepiness, but familiar and gentle. “Were you dreaming?”

J.J. nodded, putting her head back down on the pillow. “Yeah. I’m so sorry for waking you up…” She couldn’t help but close her eyes, leaning forward a little into the kiss Emily pressed to her forehead. Gentle fingers soothed over her wrist, and Emily kissed there too.

“It’s alright. I’m here for you,” she said, and put her arm over J.J.’s waist to draw her close, chest to chest so her pretty blue eyes were all J.J. could see. “Do you want to talk, or just rest for now?”

J.J. tilted her head so their foreheads touched, closing her eyes. Emily somehow managed to be the most calming thing in any situation, warm and soft and beyond gentle, nice to simply breathe in. To still her breathing, she just focused on that for a moment- Emily smelled like her shampoo, she must have stolen some of it earlier when she’d quickly used the dorm shower. The thought made her smile. “Hey… someday we’re going to live together. You won’t have to just visit for the night. This could be us every single day.”

She felt Emily settle more comfortably against her, like they were meant to fit together, stroking her back with a thumb through her shirt. “One day,” she murmured, and the smile was plain in her voice. “And we’ll have a bigger bed. I don’t know how you manage.”

“Oh, hush,” J.J. laughed, hugging her tighter. “You like it. It’s a nice excuse for you to cling to me all night.”

Emily chuckled. “Maybe. Give me a few more hours of holding you like this and we’ll see how I feel.” A comfortable quiet followed, warm and close. At last Emily asked, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” J.J. said, and meant it. “Sometimes I just have bad dreams about it.” She didn’t have to specify what she meant by ‘it,’ Emily knew, and had dreamed about it herself before. It was just something they carried together now.

So she hummed a quiet acknowledgement, pressing her lips to J.J.’s own. “‘Kay,” she said, closing her eyes and exhaling. “I’m here if you need me, got it?”

“Got it.” And they stayed in safety together, in each other’s arms where nothing could touch them. 


	3. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even the strongest and most supportive have limits.

“Alright, Miss Thompson. Visiting hours are over.” The nurse who notified her was gone as quickly as she’d come. This was their routine by now. J.J. had a mandatory holding period until she’d physically recovered, and she was still healing. So, Emily had made it quite clear to the staff that she was staying, even though visiting hours ended at 6. They’d still tell her at 6 o’ clock sharp, as was their job, and she’d acknowledge them with a polite nod and a thank you; they’d move on and she’d stay where she was.

“You know you can go home if you want, right?” J.J.’s voice cracked a little, and she cleared her throat to better adjust the pitch. She was still getting used to the whole voice therapy thing- since her suicide attempt, and deciding to accept herself and grow into who she wanted to be, she’d been playing with the methods of how to pitch her voice more femininely. She was getting better at it, to her pride and excitement. “That chair can’t be comfortable.”

Emily chuckled, shrugging lightly. “It’s better than the ones at uni. And I get to hang out with you instead of my classmates as I do math, so I’d call this a win.” She tapped her pen thoughtfully against her paper, scowling at a problem. “I really hate algebra, y’know. We could always go back to our old deal from high school. I’ll do your English essays if you do my math.”

“I’m not doing English this semester, so you’re out of luck.” Still, J.J. reached over to take Emily’s packet of work. She scanned over the problem, humming thoughtfully for a moment. “Order of operations, silly. You really _are_ bad at math. Parentheses first, then the exponents. It’s easy from there.”  
“Says the smart one,” Emily said, rolling her eyes. She clicked her pen absently, filling the quiet of the room with the repetitive noise. “Mind if I get up there with you?”

“Uh, sure. If you want. It’s a little tight though.” J.J. moved over, minding her sore arm, a least grateful that they’d taken her IV line out. The bed was far from roomy, but Emily wasn’t exactly going to take up much room either, so it worked out. She carefully settled at J.J.’s side, balanced a little precariously on the edge of the bed, and it was second nature for J.J. to tuck her under her arm, holding her there to keep her from falling. “Are you comfy enough?”

“Mm-hmm.” Emily set her binder on her lap, leaning warmly into J.J.’s side as she eyed her homework. “I’ll be happy as long as I’m here with you.” J.J. watched her half-heartedly scrawl out a few more steps to the problem, until Emily finally seemed to decide that she had no more motivation. “I’ll do this later on,” she promised, closing her binder and leaning aside to set it on the chair she’d vacated. She immediately leaned back against J.J. and looped an arm over her, settling in like she belonged there. “Do you mind this?”

J.J. didn’t even have to think about it. “Not at all. You’re warm.” A convenient excuse for how much she liked this, really. Emily was just way too comforting to pass up. Despite their sterile environs, this felt like home; like she was at Emily’s house again and they were half-watching a movie, except there she’d be wearing her preferred clothes and not this unflattering hospital gown thing. They had been so close for so much of their lives that this level of contact hadn’t been unusual for years. 

“Hey,” Emily said, voice quiet. She rested her cheek on J.J.’s shoulder, and her breath was warm, soft against her skin. “I’m happy you’re still here.” Her voice caught just a little as she said it, but she composed herself again almost imperceptibly.

J.J. bit her lip, pulled Emily closer against her, lowered her head to rest it against Emily’s hair. It was soft, fragrant, familiar. “Me too,” she murmured. “I’m not leaving again.” She spent a quiet moment there, raising her bandaged arm to stroke idly through Emily’s hair. “Want to know what made me want to live?” Barely more than a whisper. “Realizing you were still alive. Still here, without me, after I promised you that that’d never happen.”

“I was scared...” Emily clung to her, burying her face into J.J.’s shirt. “The way you talked before you stopped answering me, it just… God, it was  _ awful. _ ” 

“I know.” J.J. sighed against her hair, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry, Em. I promise, I’m never leaving again.” If she regretted anything, it was the tears that she could feel soaking into her shirt, though Emily was too polite to make any noise. She honestly felt foolish. The University had support for trans students, she could have  _ talked  _ to someone. Some of her friends would have been supportive, she knew. She’d come close to telling Abby. She was caught in this middle ground of being seriously embarrassed, and heavily ashamed of what she’d done. It wasn’t worth this. She wished she’d waited instead of acting on those dark, awful thoughts.

“You promised that before, too,” Emily said bitterly, and then immediately retracted with, “No, I’m sorry. That was rude of me.” She sniffed, scrubbing at her eyes with her sleeve and pulling away a bit. “Excuse me.” She stood, and J.J. reached for her hand, catching it as she tried to walk away. “J.J., please. You shouldn’t be comforting me- I should be… That’s what I should be doing, it’s wrong for you to have to do that for me, so I’m-”

“ _ Shh _ .” J.J. pulled her back, barely needing to exert any strength at all since Emily bent at once, a soft whine turning into a sob as she willingly fell into J.J.’s arms. “Let’s not do this now.” She was just too  _ tired  _ to have this same old argument, and she cradled Emily close against her chest. “We can lean on each other. That’s just… that’s part of our forever. It’s how we’ll make it last.”

Emily nodded against J.J.’s shirt, exhaling slowly. “Okay,” she whispered. “Sorry.” She nestled closely to J.J.’s chest, relaxing into her. “You know you’re the most important thing in my life, right?” No matter how many times she’d said it, it was still surprising. It took J.J. a moment to get past the loss of words that the revelation always inflicted on her.

“I…” Oh, how socially inept could she get? “Emily, that’s what you are to me, too.” Her voice fell soft, gentle in the way that only Emily ever really heard. No one else had ever been so close to her, seen her so open. “You’re my world. The reason I want to get better.”

Emily wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tightly. “We’ll get better together, okay? I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“I know you will.” J.J. buried her face into the hair of the girl in her arms, losing herself in the closeness, the  _ home  _ she found in Emily. “We belong together like that. Always have.” Emily’s hair was soft. That was the main thought that occupied J.J.’s mind before another thought came to mind. “Are you in therapy yet?”

“No…” Emily sighed. “It’s expensive. And you’re the one who actually had the problem, so me going to a place just to talk about it seems weird.” It had been a frequent point of discussion between them. Emily had always been a little anxious, but it had ramped up to the extreme after J.J.’s suicide attempt. She just hated talking about it for fear of making J.J. guilty. It was thoughtful, but it didn’t fix the fact that she was hurting.

J.J. exhaled slowly, tracing idle patterns through Emily’s shirt. “I get it, but… You said we’d get better together, right? I don’t like when you’re hurt.”

“I’m not  _ hurt. _ ” Emily shrugged noncommittally. “Just… worried about you.”

“I don’t think you’ve slept more than two hours at a time since I did it.” Had Emily thought she wouldn’t notice? Day after day, she’d spend all her time at the hospital. Even when she did catch a little sleep, she woke up to an almost inaudible alarm she’d set on her phone, set to vibrate and wake her up without bothering J.J. Like she needed to be  _ sure _ that everything was okay. “That’s more than worry.”

Emily was quiet for a moment. “Well, I think that’s justified,” she said at last. “Someone has to look out for you.” 

“It’s not happening again.” J.J.’s voice was firm. “I regret it, and I absolutely resolved to change when I woke up. You’re not supposed to hurt yourself just to keep an eye on me.”

“If you really want me to go, I can try.” Emily sighed, scrubbing at her face with the back of her hand to get rid of the tears. “Would you… I don’t know if they’d let you in there with me, but I don’t want to go alone.” 

J.J.’s arms tightened around her, and a kiss found the top of her head, barely more than a brush of a touch. “I’ll go with you,” she promised. “We’ll heal. We’ll take care of each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little personal for me. It means a lot. Look after yourselves, my friends, because you can only bleed so much for others before you have nothing left for yourself.


End file.
